Fishes in the pond...

Fish!
Again??
I was getting more and irritated. And had a sunken feeling at the same time.
Is this the ONLY way things have to take course?
Ah! Some things are out-of-control. Yes. Indeed.

The day before yesterday, I was gifted with a charming set of glowing goldfishes swimming in the tranquil waters in the circular glass bowl. Finally I have a 'pet'!
I was overjoyed.
I made a cozy corner for the new inmates and arranged their stuff. Every single hour I found myself staring at the golden creatures swimming in the crystal clear water, with occasional bubbles. Two goldens and another redheaded golden couple entertained me with their 'aqua frenzy'...

The next day, I had a busy day up  ahead and forgot all about the cute little things silently swimming in the pond.
I was already bugged enough. And, I could not take it anymore. I tried not to be disturbed or get distracted with those mail pop ups and messages beeping on my cellphone; but I was. Disturbed. Though we had excellent understanding, bosom friendship and we could talk anything and everything under the sun with each other; I had had enough. I could not just fake that I am 'OK' with things when I wasn't.
Initially we had decided on having ample time and space. But somehow that was not materialising.
And yes, I was again heading for a disaster.

We had a brief conversation on phone. But I was clear. And did not let anything boggle me. I was no longer going to stab my heart everytime I sacrificed something just to keep the thing going...
I had made a decision.
"I am sorry. But I still need time. There's no use speeding and messing things."... and I cut the line.
It was done.
Yes!

I came home, wearing a smile on my face.
The hallway was lit with sunny light. But still, there was something wrong. Something terrible. The drawing room was not as vibrant as it was when I had left it in the morning. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I eyed the pond.
Movement was slower. The water dirtier, and the glow, paler.
A tear rolled down my eye. A red headed swimming beauty was lost.
She lay at the bottom of the glass globe, motionless.

I cleaned things, shed tears.
Was that the same heart that died? The same one which I pained? The same one to whom I gave the biggest injury? Where practicality replaced closeness? ... I thought and thought.
"It happens. Its common. Many times, weak fishes are unable to adjust with the changed surroundings. New water, new home! They may die of shock or because they could not acclimatise. Don't worry. Here, your new pair of goldfishes...", the man at the counter of the aquarium pacified me. I came home with a new pair. Now I had four goldfishes. All gold. Without red head, swimming in the glass globe.

The environment, the situation was wrong. I told myself. I was RIGHT. In the light of rationality, what I did was correct.

Now another thing to accomplish. Another heart to pain. Another life to disrupt.
I dialled the number. The individual answered. I set in front that what I wished to talk was serious. Though ours was a new acquaintance, a casual one, it had acquired great depths to the opposite side, while it was still shallow on my side. And I did not want it to be a single handed chariot.
I again deepened my voice and said, " I rushed things. I am sorry. Don't be hurt." Being hurt was natural on that side. "Quaheri" came a dry reply.
I closed my eyes. Waiting the dawn  to break.

A feeling ran down my spine.
I woke up. It was still dark. I had accomplished my work. Though ruthlessly and with a soar tang.
I walked  to the pond.
In the darkness, I could smell death. The water was again yellow... The beings mourning and lifelessly looking at the parted soul.
I cried this time. Loud enough that people could hear.
After cleaning the things, I sat with beside the globe of glass, now adorned with just three gleaming golden beauties. I ran my hand on the surface of the glass.
"It had that parasite on. And we knew its fate. Right?" , my brother tried to pacify me.
But I was mentally far ahead. Deep into thoughts again.

Yes. I knew this end. I knew from day 1 that things are not going to work out between us. We had different priorities, different viewpoints. And above all, I was very mechanical. No feeling.
I had forseen this. This breaking of hearts and all.

I then managed to get back to my self.

Last night, I slept near the fish pond. Watching the three strong ones, who had battled the changed environment, and had accepted new home. Their gleaming scales gave a new lease to life. I was at peace.
But I don't know how many hearts do I need to break on my way...