Being almost 'Theist'

The Grey clouds looming over me swept past away. I am so glad.
Today's Philosophy class was indeed engrossing.
It was my first Philo class ever.

It was today that I really put myself to question about my beliefs.
Though I am not an Atheist, I am even not a complete Theist so to say.
Ofcourse, I believe the exsistence of a celestial energy which drives us in the directions destined. Well, destined by us, our acts.
We are indeed the product of what we think, believe, act, interprete... But I feel, the direction in which we find ourselves to go in, is predecided.

I, at some point of time in my life was  a staunch believer of 'idol-worship'. I still do not question its significance, but somehow my view for it has undergone major changes. Maybe because I have associated 'Idol-worship' with Ritualism or Materialism. I dont really know what the learned men have to say about being a ritualistic idol worshipper, but what I truly believe in is but the power that comes from within.
And no idols can bestow it upon you, nor can you borrow the might and the inner power to do good or evil from the stone figurines.

Paulo Coelho, in his book of compilation of short stories, says that 'we are like a pencil. There is a hand that makes us write, an eraser to correct when we are wrong and also a sharpener to sharpen us, our ideas when we cease to look beyond the limited space of the paper...'  This really appealed to me.

But then a question arises, 'why do we strain so much? Learn, then earn, set up families, crave for promotions, crave for increase in salary, for the betterment of family, for maintaining the household... and then for letting our children in the same old rut!?' If an alien force drives us, then why do we sweat our blood?
And then we go back to the saying our teachers wrote on freashly cleaned blackboards in primary, "God helps those who help themselves!" 
In an interview with an experienced artanalyst, the question of Theism arose. He plainly stated, "Now its time taht we retire God and start beleiving in ourselves." But in his statement too, he indirectly advocated the concept of 'God'.

A friend of mine, after the lecture today, questioned,"If there is a God, why is he so biased? He has left many from their cradle to graves in utter poverty and unhappiness, injustice and numerous problems looming over them; while He has made some people like us, who can live satisfied and humble lives... Why this biased approach if we all are the children of God?

And this time I raelly had no answer. Maybe 'Karma'. My philosophy teacher maybe has the key!