It's different than biting onto your lip when you're tempted to burst out... Or battling the glass ceiling with mute nods and "haan ji haan ji"...
Silencing the inner voice is just shutting your other self from talking out!
I often battle with what I call 'Mother Teresa Complex'. It is high time, that I should treat foes as foes. No, I am not being tactful here by keeping friends close, and enemies closer! I am just being naive; thinking: people change! Some do, indeed. Most people just DON'T.
Today for example, I sulked for hours for 'being nice' to somebody and helping him walk through the application process in the First World Universities. And now: "surprise, surprise!" that person is bent on coming to my University, in my department, and working under my supervisor! Seriously!!??
The problem is not about getting the 'chance'. But this person happens to be a stalker, I have been trying to put off for years on end. And now, I have invited the devil in with a red carpet! Haha!
What was I thinking?! The inner voice saying: "don't!", but "Mother Teresa" saying: Oh, as if he'll apply here and get his ass here. He has his life!
Apparently, NOT. And the guts of calling me in the morning to declare he has been shortlisted, and that he's moving to Calgary for ME (!) just confirmed it!
_____
Then comes the 'tide' of benevolence for wrong people, at wrong moments. Before moving here, I calculated the money people owe me... whooping 27,000+ INR ! Deposit for my house in Baroda, the next occupant didn't pay me; random money I lent people thinking they are in 'dire need' (probably the dire need was just about smoking up and drinking pitchers down), numerous "gift" train tickets and philanthropy of paying off post-paid mobile bills (which were not my headache)... all under the singular banner, that people are not inherently bad!
Mencius, the Confucian philosopher of c. 300 BCE believed the same. Human Nature as inherently GOOD. And with solid examples and theoretical backing; was attacked by Huan-Zi (Zu?) stressing that human nature is bad, greedy and self-centered; which can only be slightly altered with education and proper teaching. Well, I still have to find my Huan-Zi to correct my pink vision of the humans I encounter.
And the inner voice in me shrieks and screams, but at times like these, I discard it as "noise".
____
Is being mute when you should speak, a sign of strength? Why is the upbringing such that "silence is golden" even when the pointed end of the stick is charged at you?
I am often spoken of as 'well-behaved' and 'cultured' girl in the family. And I owe this image of me to my silence. Disobedience only marks the ripples on the surface when I am cornered, bullied or too tormented. Yes, this threshold is also to blame. And the "Mother Teresa" in me saying: 'If people are happy, I would be happy... Silence won't harm anyone ... but speaking up and disobedience would".
Oh, I should silence this voice of mine, instead of the other!
And the threshold has also manifested a problem of different sorts. Tolerating X thing for a long time reflects as toleration for everything in the eyes of people. But speaking up against Y then shatters the image and I am confronted with questioning glances and long stares... implying : She wasn't like that! What got into her!?
Walking on this wire, and mimicking the balancing act gets me into jeopardy quite a few times. But "Mother Teresa" doesn't leave the 'silencing' act!
____
The other times when I mask my inner voice is when I shop. "DO I need this?" - NO. "But I WANT it" I concur. And, the credit card swipes!
____
Moral of the story: "Mother Teresa" in me needs to be silenced, so as to be little more altruistic, and keep myself happy!
If I am not happy and mirthful, how will I spread happiness around...?
Silencing the inner voice is just shutting your other self from talking out!
I often battle with what I call 'Mother Teresa Complex'. It is high time, that I should treat foes as foes. No, I am not being tactful here by keeping friends close, and enemies closer! I am just being naive; thinking: people change! Some do, indeed. Most people just DON'T.
Today for example, I sulked for hours for 'being nice' to somebody and helping him walk through the application process in the First World Universities. And now: "surprise, surprise!" that person is bent on coming to my University, in my department, and working under my supervisor! Seriously!!??
The problem is not about getting the 'chance'. But this person happens to be a stalker, I have been trying to put off for years on end. And now, I have invited the devil in with a red carpet! Haha!
What was I thinking?! The inner voice saying: "don't!", but "Mother Teresa" saying: Oh, as if he'll apply here and get his ass here. He has his life!
Apparently, NOT. And the guts of calling me in the morning to declare he has been shortlisted, and that he's moving to Calgary for ME (!) just confirmed it!
_____
Then comes the 'tide' of benevolence for wrong people, at wrong moments. Before moving here, I calculated the money people owe me... whooping 27,000+ INR ! Deposit for my house in Baroda, the next occupant didn't pay me; random money I lent people thinking they are in 'dire need' (probably the dire need was just about smoking up and drinking pitchers down), numerous "gift" train tickets and philanthropy of paying off post-paid mobile bills (which were not my headache)... all under the singular banner, that people are not inherently bad!
Mencius, the Confucian philosopher of c. 300 BCE believed the same. Human Nature as inherently GOOD. And with solid examples and theoretical backing; was attacked by Huan-Zi (Zu?) stressing that human nature is bad, greedy and self-centered; which can only be slightly altered with education and proper teaching. Well, I still have to find my Huan-Zi to correct my pink vision of the humans I encounter.
And the inner voice in me shrieks and screams, but at times like these, I discard it as "noise".
____
Is being mute when you should speak, a sign of strength? Why is the upbringing such that "silence is golden" even when the pointed end of the stick is charged at you?
I am often spoken of as 'well-behaved' and 'cultured' girl in the family. And I owe this image of me to my silence. Disobedience only marks the ripples on the surface when I am cornered, bullied or too tormented. Yes, this threshold is also to blame. And the "Mother Teresa" in me saying: 'If people are happy, I would be happy... Silence won't harm anyone ... but speaking up and disobedience would".
Oh, I should silence this voice of mine, instead of the other!
And the threshold has also manifested a problem of different sorts. Tolerating X thing for a long time reflects as toleration for everything in the eyes of people. But speaking up against Y then shatters the image and I am confronted with questioning glances and long stares... implying : She wasn't like that! What got into her!?
Walking on this wire, and mimicking the balancing act gets me into jeopardy quite a few times. But "Mother Teresa" doesn't leave the 'silencing' act!
____
The other times when I mask my inner voice is when I shop. "DO I need this?" - NO. "But I WANT it" I concur. And, the credit card swipes!
____
Moral of the story: "Mother Teresa" in me needs to be silenced, so as to be little more altruistic, and keep myself happy!
If I am not happy and mirthful, how will I spread happiness around...?
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