"All the goodness was within, while I hoped to seek it outside..."
Han looked point blank at me and said, "Since we toil and rejoice together and enjoy each others' company, doesn't mean we are ONE person. We still are two individuals, and will be!"
And there I was, with the broadest smile on my face, unable to contain my heart's mirth - he had won my heart, again!
I liked immersing in the classical notes of Thumri, Hansdhwani and Bhimpalas as I flipped pages of my treasured novels or philosophical treatises. I liked writing innumerable notes for Han which marked their presence on the walls of his study, refrigerator, his wardrobe doors, on his files and folders and so on... Some even tagged along to his office stuck on his key-ring or wallet. And I also liked cooking for him. An art which I thought has bypassed me in all the females of the family...
And with these choices for the day, I was mentally affixing myself into a companion role like never before.
My complaints for 'not reading productively' were on a rise. My agitation for my brush strokes failing me was escalating with the passing days of the new year. And Han could see that I was crippling myself unnecessarily - for I had taken upon myself to fit 'some' ideal which I would categorically dismiss otherwise... My spine was bent with the pseudo responsibility of making life comfortable for Han, when he didn't ask for it. I was twisting my role on my own accord with an image to suit somebody else's expectations... And clearly, it was a disaster!
Han finally made me sit down and reflect on the past month of December and how bamboozled I had made my way into the new year. He highlighted that I had almost shunned his usual support for I had the image of 'superwoman' for myself. And that I was training myself to be the 'stereotypical' wife as against the free woman he loved and wanted to be with.
He left for work with stern warnings that day: 'Don't sit by the window waiting for me, as if you have nothing better to do. Don't plan your day and research around mine - we plan together, prioritizing each others' time and 'our' as well... And don't sink into the mental depths - the buoy is right here; just hold fast!'
And I gazed at his disappearing figure from the window.
The colours slowly made their way to me, the starry skies which endear me peered at me again, and I once again embarked on my adventures of doodling, sketching and penning my thoughts.
For my friend had once said, "thoughts become things, and colors - ideas!"
Both - the maladies and the alleviation was deep set within me. I just didn't see till Han gave me the magnifying glass!
Tat Tvam asi...?
Han looked point blank at me and said, "Since we toil and rejoice together and enjoy each others' company, doesn't mean we are ONE person. We still are two individuals, and will be!"
And there I was, with the broadest smile on my face, unable to contain my heart's mirth - he had won my heart, again!
I liked immersing in the classical notes of Thumri, Hansdhwani and Bhimpalas as I flipped pages of my treasured novels or philosophical treatises. I liked writing innumerable notes for Han which marked their presence on the walls of his study, refrigerator, his wardrobe doors, on his files and folders and so on... Some even tagged along to his office stuck on his key-ring or wallet. And I also liked cooking for him. An art which I thought has bypassed me in all the females of the family...
And with these choices for the day, I was mentally affixing myself into a companion role like never before.
My complaints for 'not reading productively' were on a rise. My agitation for my brush strokes failing me was escalating with the passing days of the new year. And Han could see that I was crippling myself unnecessarily - for I had taken upon myself to fit 'some' ideal which I would categorically dismiss otherwise... My spine was bent with the pseudo responsibility of making life comfortable for Han, when he didn't ask for it. I was twisting my role on my own accord with an image to suit somebody else's expectations... And clearly, it was a disaster!
Han finally made me sit down and reflect on the past month of December and how bamboozled I had made my way into the new year. He highlighted that I had almost shunned his usual support for I had the image of 'superwoman' for myself. And that I was training myself to be the 'stereotypical' wife as against the free woman he loved and wanted to be with.
He left for work with stern warnings that day: 'Don't sit by the window waiting for me, as if you have nothing better to do. Don't plan your day and research around mine - we plan together, prioritizing each others' time and 'our' as well... And don't sink into the mental depths - the buoy is right here; just hold fast!'
And I gazed at his disappearing figure from the window.
The colours slowly made their way to me, the starry skies which endear me peered at me again, and I once again embarked on my adventures of doodling, sketching and penning my thoughts.
For my friend had once said, "thoughts become things, and colors - ideas!"
Both - the maladies and the alleviation was deep set within me. I just didn't see till Han gave me the magnifying glass!
Tat Tvam asi...?
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