Little torn

I think I need something 'strong' to happen to write down my thoughts or to 'type out'...

I tried to pull on things in denial.
And He was doing that too. I was aping and he let me put up a play.
Kaddy knew all what was going on- the good and the bad.
But he never let me alone.
And after meeting him today; I suddenly feel all alone- though he is with me- through the troubled times.
I feel like I have been washed out with a mighty wave and stranded on an isolated island. And right now, I would just want to talk to Kaddy.
I tried to keep him happy by showing that I am happy- when it wasn't the case.
He would ask me often- but I would just nod.
I got back my hard-drive from him today. And I randomly checked what's in there. I had splattered things in the form of word files, random scribblings in inkscape and things like that. I am already feeling aghast looking at the things in there.
I don't know what Kaddy would have felt.

I have no words right now to phrase how sunken I feel. 
And Adele's 'Lovesong' plays in the back-ground..."whenever I am alone, with you; you make me feel like I am free again!...however far away...I will always love you. However long I stay, I will always love you."

But Kaddy knows, and so do I. That these words are powerless in the real world. No matter how much we feel attached; we cannot exhibit it.
We will always be this- little bit torn.

'The Neon hand'- Kaddy's. The 'dont-let-go' feeling that I get...