I would not want to re-live that day. Ever again.
A surge of emotions and pain pierced me as I let Mia's barks and whining drown in the cacophony of my surroundings. I could still her whine as I tried to speed my walking feet way from her. I wanted to get away as soon as I can. However, my heavy heart was weighing on my weak limbs. I could not control my tears and the lump in my throat was almost choking me. Finally, I let out a cry...
Although I did not turn back, I knew Mia was watching me transform into a dot at a distance. Past four days with her had been more than I could ask for. Although I wanted her to be with me always from the day I got her home; reality had knocked hard on my door of dreamland. Mia had a severe case of separation anxiety, and I have to be at the university, which drove her nuts. I could not bear to see her chew her paws and bite her tail incessantly, trying to overcome her anxiety. This was the parenting I am not yet ready for! Her energy and maniac "zoomies" seemed less of a problem...
With all this, I badly wanted her; and her alone. Since the day we met, I had a deep feeling of 'connection' with her. She looked like Osiris was but a part of Mia's story.
In the four days with her, I had experienced a breath of fresh excitement. I had ran with her, visited Nose-Hill park a zillion number of times, cuddled on the couch with her... I would feel welcomed in my own house seeing her waiting for me. Patting on her furry head as a cue to cuddle was one of my favorite things. She would snuggle at my feet as I read, rest her head on my lap with twinkling eyes, as I sat on the couch... She nudged me gently to give her belly rubs every now and then and no matter how much belly rubs she'd get, she wore an expression : "Is that all?"
On that day, exactly a week ago, I was trying very hard to push all these memories away as I dragged myself away from her. Mailing the rescue group: 'I cannot do this, Mia would be best suited in another family' was the hardest thing I had done. As I had typed the mail, I was laughing at myself... I knew deep down, even then that I CAN do it. It is hard, but not impossible.
It has been a week now.
My house still seems empty. I look at Mia's and Osiris' pictures, but my heart feels no content. Although in the front yard, Osiris was always there. Living in hostel and in Baroda, I always had the company of not one, but many dogs. I played with them, cuddled them, fed them, bathed them and got them vaccinated with the help of my friends. Golden days, yes! In Calgary, I feel the vacuum of having a pet around. The pair of eyes and a furry paw-shake is the least I want from my day.
And hence, this little game of toiling, sorrowing and rejoicing! Toiling to be able to parent a pooch, sorrow for unfortunate instances such as these, but rejoicing with the prospect of having a small pet soon!
Afterall, we are all hopeful animals!
A surge of emotions and pain pierced me as I let Mia's barks and whining drown in the cacophony of my surroundings. I could still her whine as I tried to speed my walking feet way from her. I wanted to get away as soon as I can. However, my heavy heart was weighing on my weak limbs. I could not control my tears and the lump in my throat was almost choking me. Finally, I let out a cry...
Although I did not turn back, I knew Mia was watching me transform into a dot at a distance. Past four days with her had been more than I could ask for. Although I wanted her to be with me always from the day I got her home; reality had knocked hard on my door of dreamland. Mia had a severe case of separation anxiety, and I have to be at the university, which drove her nuts. I could not bear to see her chew her paws and bite her tail incessantly, trying to overcome her anxiety. This was the parenting I am not yet ready for! Her energy and maniac "zoomies" seemed less of a problem...
With all this, I badly wanted her; and her alone. Since the day we met, I had a deep feeling of 'connection' with her. She looked like Osiris was but a part of Mia's story.
In the four days with her, I had experienced a breath of fresh excitement. I had ran with her, visited Nose-Hill park a zillion number of times, cuddled on the couch with her... I would feel welcomed in my own house seeing her waiting for me. Patting on her furry head as a cue to cuddle was one of my favorite things. She would snuggle at my feet as I read, rest her head on my lap with twinkling eyes, as I sat on the couch... She nudged me gently to give her belly rubs every now and then and no matter how much belly rubs she'd get, she wore an expression : "Is that all?"
On that day, exactly a week ago, I was trying very hard to push all these memories away as I dragged myself away from her. Mailing the rescue group: 'I cannot do this, Mia would be best suited in another family' was the hardest thing I had done. As I had typed the mail, I was laughing at myself... I knew deep down, even then that I CAN do it. It is hard, but not impossible.
It has been a week now.
My house still seems empty. I look at Mia's and Osiris' pictures, but my heart feels no content. Although in the front yard, Osiris was always there. Living in hostel and in Baroda, I always had the company of not one, but many dogs. I played with them, cuddled them, fed them, bathed them and got them vaccinated with the help of my friends. Golden days, yes! In Calgary, I feel the vacuum of having a pet around. The pair of eyes and a furry paw-shake is the least I want from my day.
And hence, this little game of toiling, sorrowing and rejoicing! Toiling to be able to parent a pooch, sorrow for unfortunate instances such as these, but rejoicing with the prospect of having a small pet soon!
Afterall, we are all hopeful animals!
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